What is Your Emergency?

Lady at work tries to place an outgoing call. She dials 9 for an outside line, 1 for long distance, and her finger slips and she dials 1 again.

This happens to her a lot. 4th time in 6 months. Possibly on purpose..?

Another $20 to Vanguard.

Witch Hazel: Good for your Skin and Wallet

What’s That on your Face?

Vanity is a slippery bitch. Ladies, you know this. Guys, I’m talking to you too, the industry for male grooming products has fucking exploded in the past few years.

This article from Forbes celebrates women who have made fortunes from launching skin care and beauty products. They saw opportunity, took risks, and it paid off. (Good job ladies!)

But if you think about the other side of the equation, the obvious takeaway is that the public is willing to trade tons of money in exchange for consumable product. Money that could be better used elsewhere, like, oh I don’t know, maybe indexing..?

Because let’s face it. Time marches on, and eventually it is going to march right across your face. Best to spend your time fortifying naturally instead of globbing expensive chemicals all over yourself, right?

Don’t get me wrong. You absolutely need to take good care of your skin. You just don’t have to exchange obscene amounts of money to do it.

So what to do? Most people* can slim down their skin care routine to a super efficient ritual: Witch hazel. Basic moisturizing lotion-sunscreen. And drink lots of water. Period.

Wait, witch hazel? Isn’t that like an old wives tale, or some archaic home remedy? YES. Why? Because it fucking works. Now go get some, and we’ll check it out.

In a nutshell, witch hazel is derived from the leaves and bark of the witch hazel shrub, which is common to North America. It is most well known for its anti-inflammatory and astringent properties, as well as for soothing sensitive skin. Witch hazel also contains antioxidants, which help to prevent widespread inflammation and neutralize free radicals.

You heard me. Widespread. No, not your ass. I mean your whole body, not just your face. All your skin can use this. Witch hazel doesn’t judge. No more of this “specially formulated” bullshit. Which is marketing language for “expensive.”

So go ahead, give it a shot. Load up a cotton ball and try this classic remedy. Acne, eczema, psoriasis, bug bites, dry skin, oily skin, whatever. Bring it on. See if you have positive results within a week.

Hey, you know what else will give you a healthy glow? The relentless joy you will be radiating from all the money you’re no longer pouring into the gaping maw of the beauty industry. Smiling is the best defense against frown lines. You’re welcome.

*I am not a fucking dermatologist. If you have unmanagable or severe skin issues, FFS see a professional doctor.

**contains affilliate links

Getting Salty with Car Buying

The following applies to purchasing a 2-3 year old car at a dealer, with a trade-in. I hope to keep this new purchase at least 8-10 years, or longer if it lasts.

So I got exactly the car I wanted, at the price I wanted. 

How?  Cash.  And a shitload of research.

Some years back, I started dumping money into a small savings account, named Next Vehicle Fund.  Truth be told, sometimes I dipped into it for repairs to the current Elderly Vehicle.  No worries. 

Eventually the day came when I could no longer ignore all the problems EV was having.  That was the day the Emissions Testing notification arrived.  There were quite a number of other life-stresses going on at the time, and getting nerdy with auto-repair was more than I wanted to take on.  So I made the decision to replace EV.

The first thing I did was list the attributes that I wanted in the new vehicle.  Then I did a sort & filter based the results of that list.  Once the selection was narrowed down to the top two or three contenders, choosing the make & model became a matter of preference.  I’ve never selected a vehicle from this perspective before, and it felt really comforting.  There was no anxiety about comparing a bunch a random vehicles against each other, or compromising say, 4WD for low mileage. 

The next step was to sign up with a service to verify the history of vehicles, which would be CarFax… but WAIT… PhotoGuy saved the day.  He suggested signing up with VinAudit instead.  It is much less expensive, you get many more reports, and the info is equivalent.

Now for the shopping! I found CarGuru to be very comprehensive and easy to navigate.  Once you’ve sorted the the basics of make & model, age and mileage, be sure to pay attention to the trim styles.  This is where the real apples-to-apples happens. You don’t want to show up ready to negotiate for a top-level trim against mid-level comparison research.

Now its time to get familiar with Kelley Blue Book. There are two perspectives for your purposes here. First, obviously, if you are trading in your existing vehicle, you’ll need to know the range of value to request for your trade. This is the same tool many dealerships use anyway, so at least everyone is working off the same page here. So enter an unbiased analysis of your existing vehicle, find the range, and ask for the high number. Second, you’ll need to know the appropriate value of the vehicles you are shopping. This is where you see the range and midpoint of what a fair offer really looks like.

When you have a handful of suitable vehicles, and all the data to support each one, it is time to hit the road. If there’s a clear front runner in your shortlist, call ahead so it is ready for you.

If possible, bring a support person with you. Buying a car is a big deal, an it is easy to act outside your usual behavior patterns. Also, the dealers always have a “finance guy” who comes out to close the deal, which can be intimidating, so don’t let them tip the balance and make it two-against-one. Your support person’s presence alone helps to keep things more neutral, and they can also act as the voice of reason. After viewing and driving the vehicle(s), get right down to business. You know your numbers, don’t waste your time playing games. Make your offer firm and fair. X for the purchase, Y for the trade. Keep your out-the-door number Z in mind.

Sometimes the salesperson may reject your initial numbers without batting an eye. Stay calm. This is when you respectfully refer to the other identical vehicles on your shortlist. Then you navigate towards the KBB values, and restate your offer. X for the purchase, Y for the trade. By now, the salesperson should be somewhat aware that you are an informed consumer. Let the dealer get creative on how to get to Z (out-the-door number) on paper. Don’t be a dick, and you might be surprised at how creative these guys can be.

Now HOLD FAST.  You’ve made a fair offer.  Be patient, quiet, and wait.  You may even have to wait a day or two. The important thing to remember is that you have the position of strength.  You have some very valuable things the dealer wants.  1. You have a ton of cash, so don’t think for a minute that the old “money is made in the financing” schtick is all there is to it.  Margins are built in at every step.  2. You have the ability to make a space on their lot for new merchandise, at a higher margin. And don’t forget, if this one doesn’t work out, you have several other options lined up already.

When the dealer accepts your offer, or you find a reasonable agreement, slow down and digest the bill of sale line by line. Double check the numbers, double check the math. Check their fees, ask them to clarify anything murky.  (“other” included $350 for glass etching, are you fucking kidding me??) Be sure to get all sets of keys, temporary registration, arrangements for the title, etc.

Congratulations!! You’ve just negotiated a great vehicle at a fair price. Now take your support person out for a nice dinner and let them know how much you appreciate them. Above all, repay the favor!!

Boiling Point

The Engineers.  At work.  Bickering about the boiling point of water.  Celcius and Farenheit.

They are electrical engineers.  This should not apply.

I could feel my blood beginning to boil.  So I sent another $20 to my Vanguard fund. 

Tomato, Tomahto

PhotoGuy is making food in the kitchen, he doesn’t know I can hear him singing to it.

“To-mah-to…  to-mah-to…  I’ll eat you…  to-mahto…”

Tracking Number

At work today…

  • me:  Hi Customer, here is the tracking number for your shipment.
  • customer:  Thanks, what is the tracking number.
  • me:  See highlighted below.
  • customer:  Is this for what I ordered?
  • me:  Go fuck yourself.

OK, that last comment was in my head, but I was screaming it silently all afternoon, and Vanguard has another $20 for my future. 

And why is this repetitive task not yet automated at my company?  Over the course of weeks/months/years x 250+ people, it really erodes the highest and best use of time and resources.  I double checked and all the required data exists in the systems.  It should be a matter of writing a script to link those relevant data fields into an email template and auto-send at the point of processing the shipment.  So I fired off an email to The Dude Who Does That… we shall see what happens…

Paper Trail

Lady at the office walks into a meeting with toilet paper hanging out of her pants like a tail.  Not the first time this has happened.  I silently stare out the window so I don’t lose my shit. 

As soon as I get back to my desk, I transfer $20 into Vanguard towards my next investment buy.  I use these moments of office insanity to further motivate my savings rate.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s a good job.  A great company.  I like my work.  Mostly.

But I want more from my life.  So I save more.  It’s a direct aspect ratio.