Recently I had the opportunity to take a few days off from work and visit one of my nieces. This one is in grad school in Oregon. She’s really kicking ass, I’m excited to see how her path unfolds in the years ahead.
So the first thing I want to talk about is how fucking inexpensive this was! I paid for my cross-country flight with accumulated (43k) miles. My niece rents a room from a single woman. And by “rent” I really mean, the agreement has evolved over time to substitute the cash for household services. So my niece buys some groceries, cooks dinners and walks the lady’s dog in exchange for boarding. That’s a pretty sweet deal for a grad student. Anyway, there is a spare room in the house, so I was able to stay there at no actual cost. Full disclosure: as a gracious guest, I did spring for dinner.
The next thing I want to talk about is how much I fucking needed this break from my everyday life.
Lately, I’ve been in a tranche where everything seems predetermined and bleak. Work is routine and predictable, no joy or reward in sight. My dad is rapidly descending into Alzheimer’s and its breaking my heart. My brothers and sisters are unorganized so the role of Project Manager is falling on me to organize ourselves as we address dad’s major issues. We’re a tough crowd, no doubt. Delegating is not my best skill, but for the second time in several years, I am flexing that muscle within the family. My mom is also needing some attention, and I feel stretched too thin to give much in that area.
Relationship with PhotoGuy is very good, but I struggle to find the energy to devote to Us. I’m doing my very best, I don’t want this area to suffer because of the other demands on my plate. He is my refuge and my rock when things are tough.
Chip and Shadow are 12 and 14. Age is their enemy. I’m trying so hard to monitor them and be responsive to their needs. Am I doing enough? Are they getting enough attention from me at this stage of their lives? God I hope so, those dogs are my world.
So I scheduled a short break. Four days away from the weight of the world on my shoulders. PhotoGuy memorized all the ridiculous quirks the dogs have trained into me for their daily routine, and their medication schedules. I promised my mom I would flush the public toilets with my foot and “not touch anything.” I questioned why she still feels compelled to have that conversation with me and then decided it was a Mom Thing. I set my out-of-office notification indicating “no access to email” and off I went.
Once the plane leveled off, I slept straight through to Minneapolis. I checked my phone during the layover. 32 texts from family. Quick skim revealed no medical issues with Dad, so… I… did… not… respond…! What a feeling of relief and liberation!! Slept straight through again to Portland with no guilt. 27 new texts from family, no major Dad issues. I decided to maintain my radio silence. It was fucking fabulous.
The next few days were non-stop wise-cracking, raucous laughter, and zero fucks about anything. Oregon is breathtakingly gorgeous, and it was exactly what I needed. We hiked along the coast near Tillamook, we drove through the Gorge, we saw waterfalls in the forests, and we soaked in the hot springs. And the food! I could just die. There was something interesting and comforting everywhere we stopped, always delicious.
During this respite, I was aware of my good fortune. Not everyone has the support system in place to be able to step out of their busy lives for a few days and recharge. Not everyone has planned or designed a way to take advantage of inexpensive soul-quenching fulfillment. These two elements are critical to develop if a person is to continue to operate at peak efficiency over the long term.
Good fortune.
That makes it seem like I’m just lucky. There may be some luck involved, but I also worked very hard to get to this point.
My support system is small but rock solid. I’m naturally introverted. It’s hard for me to let my walls down and really open up. So when I choose to take a new person into my life, on a deep vulnerable level, there’s no going back. I’m 44 years old, and I have 4 people (outside of family) that I can count on when shit goes down. And I would do anything for them, no questions asked. Everyone else can fuck off.
Satisfaction and fulfillment for me have always been from the simple things. I am lucky to be aware of that. As a kid, I’d be lost in books for days. I’d be daydreaming and building my own little worlds in the woods or on the beach for hours. I still do those things, but they have evolved onto bigger projects. I hope they are slightly more sophisticated!
Blending that simple satisfaction into a financial outlook, yes, I am lucky that I am naturally disinclined to pursue material gain. I am fortunate to be a builder rather than a user. The builder mentality seems inclined to pursue longer-term, delayed gratification, seems to be more process-oriented and goal-motivated. It is natural and exciting for me to build wealth one month at a time, one quarterly earning at a time, and measure progress at regular intervals. Even though I enjoy this, it still requires a lot of hard work and discipline to stay the course.
So this brief respite to Oregon taught me – once again – that everyone needs to have a way to step away and recharge. A few days, a few hours, whatever it takes. As I reflect on the adventure, and relive all the heartwarming moments, I am also aware that there is something else that satisfies me deeply. This trip did not break my bank. Between meals for both of us, and a rental car for 3 days, I spent about $380.
Going forward, I resolve to begin scheduling more of these short breaks into my life. I realize now that I can’t just wait until I am completely overwhelmed and take a few vacation days from work. Then I end up just loafing around the house. I need to actually plan. I need to plan a real break, from everyday things. I need to get outside my regular world for a few days and be exposed to new things. And I have the tools in place to easily afford it.
What use is hard work and good fortune if one does not take the opportunity to enjoy it?
So tell me, where do you go when you need to recharge and refresh? What do you do? How do you plan for it?